Who I am hates who I've been...

I was having a conversation an hour ago that made me think and want to blog. Who I am hates who I have been. The naive little boy I used to be. The sad things I used to say and do. The careless things I let slip. The freinds i made and lost. I wish I could take it all back. A friend of mine keeps re-iterating that I've changed. And then refuses to enlighten me as to wether its for the better or worse.

I hear the reverberating footsteps of my current self trekking through my memories. My past flashing like HD TV's in a electronic shop with one show on. The Jeremy Show. And it's all re-runs.

I'll admit I'd done some really stupid things 7 years ago. Like joining the School English club to meet english speaking chciks from other schools. (In retrospect, that was both a good and bad decision) (Heh) But that's just the surface. I wonder what happened to all my buddies back them. Some are here, some are there, some living well, some have passed on to God's grace. My brothers.


I am angered. At myself mostly for not keeping in touch. If only I had said more. Maybe less. Sigh. But I can't change that, none of us can.

Have you had one of those days? When your alone and your thoughts drift to the what-could-have-beens? The If-only's and the I-shoudn't-haves? These situations that we ironically produce in the present for future retrospect, even whilst reflecting on the same ones we conjured years ago?


I'm going to wish i could 'tampar' my curent self 20 years from now. I guess i haven't changed much

But perhaps, ah perhaps, it was those same situations that molded who I am today. I will spend a good 3 hours tonight wondering what I would be if I were any different. Care to join me in the proverbial sunset of your past?


Memory is a way of holding onto the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose. -The Wonder Years-