Toes part 2...

From the previous post I realised there is much to rant about my odd feet..

For starters my shoe size is a healthy eleven thanks to my GIGANTOUR TOE! Yup ladies and gentleman gather round at the marvels of a toe that makes your shoe one size bigger!

My housemate was exclaiming that generally the second toe would be longer or of equal length to the first but NOOO i had to be the special one with the extra large toe. (No its not to overcompensate for anything)


Exhibit A

Also,if there are any aspiring doctors reading this (or well informed would-be dentists) i have a blood clot under my nail that keeps bleeding and i fear will cause my toe to be gangrenous,therefore rendering my toe a viable candidate for amputation.
Which woudn't be such a bad idea seeing as it would keep me down a shoe-size.Wait, that's on only one foot. Fug.

Exhibit B

And marvel number three. My foot has NO ARCH whatsoever!I suffer from flat feet(also called pes planus or fallen arches). As i have pointed out (and have been victimised for) my foot has no arch. This would be my excuse as to why i suck at football (How can you excel at something that has foot in the name when yours are deformed). Apparently flat feet is a disability (Yay i get parking spots) and is one of the few reasons to be exempted from the military (JOY!) so yeah I'm not saying it doesn't have perks.

"Studies analyzing the correlation between flat feet and physical injury in soldiers have been inconclusive. A recent study of Royal Australian Air Force recruits that tracked the recruits over the course of their basic training found that neither flat feet or high arched feet had any impact on physical functioning, injury rates or foot health. If anything, there was a tendency for those with flat feet to have fewer injuries."

SWT!WTF-lah..

So yeah I'm cacat. But owh well these are the feet that i was born with and although it gives me as much prowess in football as a worm, leaves my legs aching after a measly 2 hours of walking around trailing women on a shopping spree, or might cause me to have rheumatic arthiritis at an older age. Well i woudn't have it any other way.

Flatties unite!!! (Legs only)


Exhibit C

Wait so that explains the feet fetish...

Mistakes...

I'm caged in indifferent bars,
Clutching perpetual scars,
Trying to avoid mistakes,
While passing these speeding cars.

The bridge is not to far away,
But will I make the leap?
I've made so many mistakes before,
It haunts my halted sleep.

I sat at crossroads long before,
An image I've always abhorred,
The roads that I have taken,
Have only sown discord.

I've only given tears,
Fuelled her every fears,
Spent my life a-wasting,
My mirror filled with smears.

So at the bridge I'll hesitate,
But I will crash at the bend,
And as i fall straight down below,
Then my mistakes will end.

-To those of us who have always made the wrong choices;hurt the people that we love-

Regards,
Jeremy Ryan De Silva

How juvenile are you?

I was randonmly having a thought yesterday. Most of us have the most juvenile of email addresses. Examples? oreolover@,juicyducks_tasty@,tricky_boogie@, and the kicker my own mercybringer@ (gees i was at a really holy point in my life,give a guy a break)(Shut up boys i was holy,i was a altar server for pete's sake!) (EDIT:AM not WAS)

so yeah..

Then i got to thinking. How did i end up with an email add like that and i realised just how much i've missed from when i was a kid. Well not exactly a kid it was probably around form 2. And i realise ghow thankful i really am for having an email add that has the magical power of digging up my past. I mean I've grown. We all. But it's nice being reminded of times when people were less matured (some still are,you know who you are,don't deny it,liar)or perhaps when you were.

Pretty soon were all going to make a new more (gah) professional email add. I already have mine. Beacuse god-forbid 30 years from now you go

You:Yes Mr. Gates I'll have my people contact your people via tele conference next thursday GMT. Owh my email add? penis_wilder@gmail.com..............

HELLO?

HELLO?
MR GATES??

SO yeah. But it's a nice reminder. So if you have a goofy MSN email add. Wear it loud and wear it proud =) Have a great weekend..

Owh song of the week?

Augustana - Sunday Best http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rz5F0SARWyo

(I have a poem swimming in my head about juvenile addresses that probably will be up soon)(I blame it on pre-finals stress,gah tons of microbio left to do and all i can think of are witty email address's please O' body of mine do not self combust in horror....haaaaah)

I owe myself seven years of pain..

I owe myself,

Sixty years of sorrow,
Seven years of pain,
Twenty years to loathe myself,
The shame that is my name.

A year for all the times I wasn't by my sisters side,
A year for never being there,
For things she tried to hide.

A year for all the things i said that hurt my mothers heart,
The guilt of which will stain my face,
And tear my soul apart.

A year for all the friends I've lost,
Their faces now a ghost,
Who stood by me when I fell down,
When I needed them the most.

A year for every tear I've shed,
A wasted piece of art,
I never had the strengh inside,
To stop them from the start.

And ten more years of sorrow,
For the times I failed myself,
I let some people walk away,
That never should have left.

I stopped what I had started,
Broke down and left the road,
Gave up on things I shoudn't have,
Left people in the cold.

Was selfish with my words,
Was taken up by pride,
Yet let my insecurities,
Claw out from deep inside.

Hung on to self pity,
Walked blindly in my bluff,
I owe myself seven years of pain,
But still that's not enough.

Alone in a crowded place..

Have you ever had the feeling that your alone in the world?
Caught me by surprise. A hot saturday afternoon in the freakin' study area.(Always overcrowded,jeesh).

And boom! it hit me like the stench of the dissection hall. I felt like i was alone in the world. Fuck!! I rarely curse here. But yeah.

And it's not like a feel-good midnight contemplative feeling that makes you think. It's this depressing,overwhelming feeling of loneliness. Like your the last person on earth and the only person you can really talk too are the thoughts in your bloody head. Damn.

I actually panicked and looked around to see if anyone else noticed the feeling. I imagined it would be an epidemic sort of feeling. Expected to see everyone looking around wondering what was this crappy feeling. To justify my sudden bewilderment at this onset of depression.

But no,everyone looked peachy fine studying,chatting (the term STUDY area means nothing anymore),trying to score some foundation chick,trying to impress some random guy. Hmm. And yet every person there seemed detached from the big picture. Like in the movies where the protaganist is standing and everyone is passing him by in a blur. Through my eyes at that moment the place looked like a canvas and i was the painting and everyone else was just background colours. I panicked and left for my room.

As i type i still feel detached from the world. Maybe its been the depressing week. Too many disappointments,too much work,too little satisfaction once it's done.

Hell i don't know. I hope everyone has these I'M-ALONE-IN-THE-WORLD bouts or I'm in trouble. I hope it lasts into the night so at least then i can relish in it.

I need an understanding Marge Simpson(Why marge simpson?Ah,but that needs to be explained in another post) to sing me Jumper. Is that asking too much?

He understands..

Misinterpret,misread,
The look on your face,
My feelings of dread,
You see me as if I were dead.

I cry out,no fault of my own,
I need Your strengh,I cant do this alone,
I need some peace,the cold like a stone,
It shatters the bone.

But listen He calls,
Your never alone,
Misread,misunderstood,no longer in tone,

I'm with you He says,no matter the thoughts,
I'm with you He says,no matter the cost,
They will not listen,but I am ever attentive,
I gently call when you get defensive.

When darkness comes,and you feel alone,
Remember that I never have left you out on your own,
When most vunerable,never you fear,
I give you my strengh,for I put you here.



An aurora,one of the most beautiful things I have yet to see.

Rhet Miller Part 2...

I find myself drawn to the chorus of this song yet again.

Hmm,well it is a great song. Justifying myself in self-defense.

Random. Ya' know whats worse than being obese?

Breaking free from it only to realise that deep down you still are. Or that deep down your not really sure if you are at all.

Perhaps realizing that you want to be again. Or worse.

You didn't have to change at all.

Story of my life.

Heh.

My tribute..

Michael Lawrence De Silva you were a great man. You lived with a spirit and a fire thatcould not be extinguished. You saw with eyes that no one could fathom. You are missed.

My dear uncle. My friend.

My uncle Micheal Lawrence De Silva passed just 3 weeks ago. He was a great man. He lived a struggle. But through the struggles he walked tall.

My uncle was born Michael Lawrence De Silva one of 5 brothers. He was born blind from birth. 8 years ago he suffered from total kidney failure. 3 weeks ago he fell and was paralysed from the neck down. But believe me he took it like a real man.

I remember growing up around him. With the booming voice at Christmas. The hugs still make me tear. He was a free spirit always travelling around the YMCA in Brickfields. My uncle's ashes will be thrown to the wind. Set free like his spirit, and i don't think he'd have wanted it any other way.

I spent time with him in the hospital during my hols. He was barely conscious. Unable to speak with the tube in his mouth he still looked strong as he lay with his neck brace. My dear uncle, fighting to the last. His last conscious moment was spent with my dad and my aunt. He spoke to my mom. He waited till i came back for my hols to see him for the last time. Then he went peacefully.

We miss you.

I came back wondering how unfair the world really is. The lives spent by millions wasted on trivial things. Worries about physical things. Things my uncle never saw nor valued. You don't realise these things till you reflect on the lives of others.I wondered why God took him. Wasn't being blind,on dialysis bad enough. But I already knew the answer. God loved him more. It was time for him to finally see God with his opened eyes.

And i want to share a story with you. As i stepped out the bus in Sungai Petani. Memories of my uncle. Carrying his coffin. Him in the hospital. Him seeing me when I visited my aunts. I cried. I was angry. Life was unfair. Then i saw an indonesian man sitting waiting for the bus. A dollar next to him. Another indonesian man walked up. Thuggish looking as they come. He bent down and said in malay "I think you dropped your dollar". I was shocked. Most would have taken it for themselves. And then the other indonesian man, he said "It's not mine.Thank You" and walked off to board the bus. Then this old chinese women walked up. She wore dirty clothes. A bag of collected soft drink cans probably to be recycled for money. Another small plastic bag with plastic badminton racquets for her kids in the other.

She walked up and looked at me and asked if it was mine. I said it wasn't and nodded when she asked if she could have it. Then she walked off. My heart fell. There was a God. And He was watching out for all of us. He was telling me He was there. He knew the struggles we all go through. He provided. I knew my uncle was in good hands. In His hands. I was at peace.

Thank you Uncle Lolly. You were an inspiration. You always will be.

John 14:1-3

Let not your heart be troubled: ye believe in God, believe also in me. In my Father's house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again, and receive you unto myself; that where I am, there ye may be also.

The searing of the sinew,
My body fights for air,
The ripping of the tissue,
My lungs begin to tear,

Gravity's got my bones,
It pulls my flesh away,
The steam finally dissipates,
I make out my sweaty face,

This consequence i choose,
Game I inevitably lose,
Governed by laws set up by me,
Fracture it's jaw to let me be.

Again as if clockwork i consider my options. They've always been there. Stay as i am. Or curdle under change. Most people truly do not understand the power that choices have. It is the difference between right and wrong,good and bad, damnation and salvation. Saving your life or losing it. But the thing is i realise just how devastating decisions are,how painful regret is. I fear it. Do i regret being who I am? Perhaps not but i do wonder. What if? What if? What would it be like to forget the Colin's and embrace the Hugh's of my generation. Dangerous thought i assure you.

I have no use for it. Take it for i wear it on my sleeve.

Dear Granduncle Edmund..

This post is dedicated to my granduncle Edmund.Your finally home.

My mum called me up at 8 today and told me that a mild heart attack had stolen my granduncle Edmund last night.He was in the ICU in Bintulu.

Let me tell you a story.

I barely could remember my granduncle Edmund because at the time i was an infant.I was born in Kuching and stayed there for a year or so and my mum and dad stayed partly with granduncle Edmund and he took care of me as a kid.Then we came back to KL and I never saw him again.

Till last Christmas.

He was in KL to get an eye operation to get his cataracts removed and stopped by for Christmas.Goodness knows how,but when my aunty told him it was Jeremy he gave me a frail hug."Jeremy you've grown so much!"

He sat with his sister,my grandmother Katie.My grandmother preaching to him.He recollecting things to my grandmother.



Then,he sat with me.He actually took my hand and told me stories.So many stories.And he told it with the perfect English that so many of us lack nowadays.

He told me about how I was like in Bintulu as a baby.How it was like growing up with my grandmother and grandaunties.How the Japanese would steal my greatgrandmother's chickens.

He told me of all the wonders he had seen.How the world changed so much.How he dreamed of so many things he never thought would exist in his lifetime but had the privilage to see.How a person could be walking down the street and be able to speak to someone else so far away.Such a charming man.He was so happy to be able to see again after the cataracts were removed.

Then when I came back to AIMST my mum called to say he was diagnosed with stomach cancer.On Friday my dad said he had a heartattack and was in the ICU.Today he was home.

Things happen so fast.Those were my last memories of him.Barely just 2 months from this post I met him.And I wanted to meet him again.So many things I wanted to ask.So many questions.

Maybe God gave him sight so he could see the world one last time.That I could meet him one last time.

Dear granduncle Edmund I love you.I'm so glad I had the pleasure to meet you.I say a prayer that I will see you again when my time comes.

My clarity...

Surprisingly I had a moment of clarity in my lecture today.Computer applications in biotechnology was the lecture and as Dr.Devanai was going on and on about NCIB and BLAST and comparing protein samples on an online database I received it.Clarity.The clarity that I was in the line I wanted to be.

I always asked myself, what if I had made a mistake submitting to my mum's decision that law was unprofitable.Or abandoning my high school passion for dentistry.Or giving up my dream of becoming a stand-up comedian.Far-fetched as that may have been.

But listening to my lecturer rant and realising i was loving it.Understanding it.I realised maybe i had done the right thing.

I've had many crazy tendencies when it came to career decisions.I even had an inkling to join the cloth as a priest.Laugh.I know you're thinking it.Haha.

But sometimes it's the moments of clarity that re-assure you you're on the road that has your name spelled at the end.Those precious moments,fleeting as it maybe.Wether it's clarity that you're with the one you're supposed to be with.That you're where you're supposed to be at.

Tomorrow I'm going to wake up unsure.Insecure with the decisions I've made.The clarity all but spent.But that's where eACH of us has to reach deep down and clutch to the clarity we receive.Wether it's a perceived gift from God.Perhaps it's His reassurance that you're doing okay.Or for you atheists perhaps we're sub-conciously giving ourselves a pat on the back.

Classes start in an hour and a half.My insecurities are creeping back into cognition.

I'm just glad clarity stopped by like a lost love.Stopped,had tea,gave me a pat on the head.And disappeared again.

John Mayer's solo is coming up for Gravity on Winamp.

Perfect :)

Cocktails made easy...

So i get a call at 1 A.M and its and old 'bud askin me for a good drink mix.And then I realised its been so long since i mixed a good drink myself.Apparently he was having problems with the 'missus so to speak and needed to wash that down.I suggested some good bourbon neat followed by one on the rocks.Rinse and repeat.And then i mused as to the last time i had a good mix.Definitely not here that's for sure.Prolly with my 'unc when i went over for a visit to D.C.

So a list then of good drinks you have to try at least once and receipe's if you can actually find the possible ingrediants.My fave would definitely have to be JD and coke.Easy to make and easy to find here.Hell I'll take anything bourbon.Prefer Bourbon Whiskey over Scotch for the distinctive taste.Famous bourbon's include Jack Daniels and it's counterpart Gentleman Jack,Jim Bean,...alah you know the rest.A good choice of Scotch would be Chivas Regal or Johnnie Walker regardless of the label.The difference?Bourbon whiskey is made from fermented corn and Scotch from fermented malt or Barley.Another personal fave would be Dewar's White Label.Not to pricey but still good unlike the more popular economical Thai Song or Club 99 (Let us spend a moment of silence for those unfortunate souls and livers tainted).

Now for some real cocktails.My personal fave would be a Manhattan 2:1.Two parts whiskey to one part vermouth.The secret to a Manhattan is sweet vermouth but I'm not putting a receipe cus' who the hell knows where to get vermouth in KL anyways?Never tried getting one in Kl either so if anyone has,let me in on where.To be more specific i like a Dry Manhattan with dry vermouth instead of sweet vermouth which(sigh)I've only had the pleasure of having twice.

Another simple one would be a Whiskey Sour.
2-3 pks of whiskey (your choice bourbon or scotch)
Juice from 1/2 a lemon
A lil' syrup (water and sugar)
A cherry
1/2 a slice of lemon

With ice is good.Especially if you savour the sourness.But DISCLAIMER:Take the drink SLOWLY.

My own variation would be:
Lime syrup(F&N syrup for better effect)with water frozen in an ice cube tray
2 pks of bourbon whiskey (preferably Jack Daniels)
A lil' Syrup (secukup rasa mengikut cita rasa masing-masing)
1/2 a lemon (No need for cherry.MAHAL!)

Blend 2-3 cubes then add the ingrediants and there you have it.Malaysianised whiskey sour courtesy of F&N.

The last would be a Mojito.Especially good if you need to chill.Its basically rum,mint and lime.I don't do rum well so don't ask me what type of rum but yeah it's good.
2-3 pk's of rum
1 tsp of lime juice
1 tsp sugar
Mint leaves (or if u haven't got it mint syrup)
Some soda water (again secukup rasa)

Put juice and sugar into a glass and stir until its mostly dissolved. Rub mint leaves on the inside of the glass and discard em'. Fill the glass with crushed ice and rum. Top it with soda water and garnish with a sprig of mint.

NOTE:Mint syrup is shit with whiskey or on its own with any alcohol.Ugh I've tried that once for New Years Eve 2006 if I'm not mistaken(Trinna if you remember.Heh)and some one brought mint syrup along with all the other stuff.I remember someone won a few crates of beer(Yue Fern I think?)Absolut,Jack Daniels,etc,Mint Syrup?and some chinese alcohol in the lil' gourd bottle?Bad memories.

Well that's my top three.Notable mentions are a Bloody Mary for the curious.That pretty much reminded me of a vegetarians drink with the tomato juice and the serving with a celery stick in the glass thing.

AND after watching numerous episodes of Scrubes J.D's favourite drink.An Appletini.I have no idea what that is and I'm wondering if any bars or clubs have that in KL but im guessing its a martini with apple syrup.Looks like Absinthe so if you guys wanna' impress the ladies but don't have the stones for Absinthe then by all means.Then again Absinthe is illegal here so if any lady actually believes your drinking Absinthe.Well she's a keeper! :)

Have fun people.

Sila menonton episode Thirsty Travel seterusnya pada waktu dan tempat yang sama.Hanya di Discovery:Mengembara dan Hidup.




CHEERS!! (or in the spirit of CNY YAMMMM SEEEENNGGGG!!!!!)

I love kermit the frog..

I swear it's been so long since ive seen Kermit the frog on tv.Or the Cookie Monster.And watching this clip on youtube of Kermit getting pawned by this kid.Well it just made my day.Sniff childlike innocence.Where have we all gone wrong?

A,B,C,D,E,F, COOKIE MONSTER!!! =)

Man i miss the muppets...



And the end when she goes "I love you"...
Wonder if that works when I'm late for class..

EDIT:Turns out there's another clip of Kermit and Joey(the lil' girl) counting to twenty.And the best part is when the kid forgets th enext number and compliments Kermit.Owh god im turning into a sap.Must be Jaya Catering food.Damn you AIMST curry.

The little things..

Well it all started with my roomate spring cleaning.So he was sweeping to the door so i opened up the room door for him.And out of the blue he pauses and sweeps under my table and bed too.

Now you see that got me thinking.How much we under appreciate some people.I mean i had this sudden surge of gratitude for this guys lil' effort.We barely say a word and he's my only roommate.But hell that was a real powerful gesture.Going out of your way to do someone a favor that they didn't even ask for.

Then i started thinking back.How many times have i bitched about how he never closes the room window net and let the lil' green sonsobitches bugs get in.Or picking the oddest times to use the LAN connection.And guilt is a feeling that lingers girls and boys and appears when you least expect it.

Perhaps I'll stand up for the guy more.People here in AIMST can be mean.Poor roommate has a fake Facebook account set up to humiliate him with people writing all manner of nasty shit.Thats just bad.These are medic people for pete's sake.Deep down I can relate to the guy.I used to be the fat,bullied kid too.You know it sucks to be picked on 'cause your social skills suck.Sucks to have people judge you for being a loner.Though i had a growth spurt and lost all the baby fat in highschool but deep down you never lose the fat nerd inside.

I guess sometimes you have to go out of your way to do someone a favor.You never know how much of an effect it has on that person.How much it can provoke the mind.

Am i gonna be lonely for the rest of my life..

NOTE:First post of the year. AND IT'S EMO! HAH!

The song Come Around by Rhett Miller begs the question."Am i gonna be lonely for the rest of my life?"And the next line reiterates that fact."I'm gonna be lonely for the rest of my life."Loved that song,from an episode of Scrubs too no surprises there.



Haven't been posting much but poems are hard to come by during finals. Unlike CA I'm not having emo moments. Rather panic attacks. I've barely slept for weeks already getting less than 4 hours of sleep,mostly waking in cold sweat expecting the worst for exams.The only good sleep being during the 5-6 days break in between papers.

So i was repeatedly listening to this song as i fell asleep (apparently in a sleep deprived daze i deleted all the songs in my Shuffle cept' for this one)i asked myself.Hmm am I gonna be lonely for the rest of my life.

Wow and everyone knows how i love these 'understand thyself' questions. Ironically i found myself hopelessly agreeing. Perhaps it's my emo scorpio self rearing its sulky head. And i know a lot of people who would beg to differ on me being lonely. No you I am not a manwhore. But i found myself agreeing and wholeheartedly too. Do i have a problem with being lonely for the rest of my life?

Perhaps.What would Dr.Cox say?

"(High pitched whistle)Hey Susie were going to the bar for whiskey. No chatty-chatty just drinky-drinky".

I need a stiff one.Ugh.And a whipping boy that i can give girly names too.